Well, I feel like I am still recovering after the reunion. I didn't get home until the wee hours of the morning - that in itself is very very rare for me unless someone here is sick - & I have to say it was
wonderful to see all those faces 20 years down the track...yet it is surreal to summarise "life" in a few short minutes. A friend was worried about me & asked how I would go talking about David & his illness so many times, but I actually just chose not to go through it with some people...what was
more distressing was discussing CHILDREN. An old friend works in a NICU for newborn babies & spoke about how to watch families lose their babies has been so hard for her over the years & how she struggles in this line of work...And it was one of those events where people mingle & wander in & out of others conversations...I started to try to mention some of what I had been through with children, & after a few attempts I decided that it was just too hard to start being too detailed about anything. I was
brief! Someone from our year died of cancer, others had not married or had children & I am guessing that many have probably lost children - statistically. In spite of this - & the fact that I have lost my confidence in big social gatherings despite having spoken to many many people over the years & run big music events - I did have a wonderful time, but found some discussions very very hard. There is something amazing about seeing everyone so "grown up" & more sure of themselves - moving into our 40s. Wow!! It was hillarious seeing the old photos of everyone in their 80s gear. Glad I scanned lots of pics as my contribution.
I feel a loss for the friendships that have disappeared over the years. I was so sad that two old friends in particular were either hard to find or didn't respond to any emails/correspondence...perhaps I'm a little hurt about the loss of that season of friendship? Sigh...yet friendship is a two way street I know. I have been just as hopeless with keeping in touch with people over the years. Anyway, all those who were there enjoyed themselves I think!!
David is very stressed at the moment. We ponder our future. It's hard when there are bills to pay etc. It's hard to make big decisions without hindsight. I spin between positivity to anxiety...perhaps I need to go & take up a job somewhere to ease the financial stress?? Perhaps more money isn't the solution but a seachange somewhere? I just feel like I have put down my roots here & all this change & heartache is so very hard...I can only do a day at a time though....
