I have just finished writing about 160 childrens' report comments & I think my brain is no longer functioning at its optimum performance level...
"Teacher Brain"
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
It's a condition...
I have just finished writing about 160 childrens' report comments & I think my brain is no longer functioning at its optimum performance level...
"Teacher Brain"
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Burnt Out...
"We work hard, and if that hard work is not recognized by the students, their parents, or the administration, there really isn't much reason to continue working hard.
- S. Borkgren"
Feeling so overwhelmed by work. Yes, I'm only part time, but I just can't seem to suck up my frustrations like I used to. Feeling very burnt out. That quote above made me NOD. Did I say VERY burnt out??
I have had students say "There is nothing I enjoyed about Music this year." I have had parents complain their child seems to do well with other teachers but isn't liking school music now. I have students ask why their children didn't get higher marks? I've had kids argue to my face that I am wrong, that I'm picking on them...they don't stop speaking to each other when I am trying to give instructions to the class - I never had this 1992-2000. Sure, I had tough kids (some kids that are probably in jail now?) but I don't EVER remember the rudeness to be quite like this? Can I just not remember?? Then I went through losing Max & Lucy, then I went through losing health, watching D battle Leukaemia...you know what? I don't want to deal with this crap any more!! I worked so hard to be a music teacher. I put in hours & hours & hours of hard work & study & rehearsals...for what?
Saw my specialist the other day who just said "Oh well, only a few weeks to go..." It's not the weeks, it's the overwhelming exhaustion & lack of desire to be there. As I walk past students snearing at kids who are actually doing something EXTRA (like being in a concert band etc), as kids break into my room at lunch time & hack into my computer, as I deal with students who continually want to argue when they are asked to do something, I just want to sob...I have had enough of being treated like a piece of crap!!!
When I started I was such a young, happy teacher with such passion for what teaching can achieve, I had such a love for the kids. Now I am a parent & that is constant - there is no off switch. I am dealing with my own children, then I go to work...& these kids make my jaw drop. I thought last year was full on - but I made it through. This year it's been so hard to find the good days. I grieve for all the great kids in these classes who get stomped on my the troublemakers...This year has just been heartbreaking. I feel like there is nothing left to give. I feel dead inside.
I am still waiting to hear from OUA about doing some studies with them...D has enrolled in doing his Masters next year though, so if they don't accept me that will be OK I guess. I long to do a job where I don't have to drag myself there & home broken...
Next year The Drama Queen will be in one of the classes I have to take. Yes, I promised to take Stage 3 again next year. I always said that I would leave before I turned into a bitter, twisted, grumpy teacher...I have always tried to teach with excellence, I've always admitted mistakes but poured my life energy into the students. Now I need some of that life energy back to be a mother to my family & run this house. I feel like I can't do this...
So yes, holidays are nearly here. I look forward to them, but I still feel burnt out...
- S. Borkgren"
Feeling so overwhelmed by work. Yes, I'm only part time, but I just can't seem to suck up my frustrations like I used to. Feeling very burnt out. That quote above made me NOD. Did I say VERY burnt out??
I have had students say "There is nothing I enjoyed about Music this year." I have had parents complain their child seems to do well with other teachers but isn't liking school music now. I have students ask why their children didn't get higher marks? I've had kids argue to my face that I am wrong, that I'm picking on them...they don't stop speaking to each other when I am trying to give instructions to the class - I never had this 1992-2000. Sure, I had tough kids (some kids that are probably in jail now?) but I don't EVER remember the rudeness to be quite like this? Can I just not remember?? Then I went through losing Max & Lucy, then I went through losing health, watching D battle Leukaemia...you know what? I don't want to deal with this crap any more!! I worked so hard to be a music teacher. I put in hours & hours & hours of hard work & study & rehearsals...for what?
Saw my specialist the other day who just said "Oh well, only a few weeks to go..." It's not the weeks, it's the overwhelming exhaustion & lack of desire to be there. As I walk past students snearing at kids who are actually doing something EXTRA (like being in a concert band etc), as kids break into my room at lunch time & hack into my computer, as I deal with students who continually want to argue when they are asked to do something, I just want to sob...I have had enough of being treated like a piece of crap!!!
When I started I was such a young, happy teacher with such passion for what teaching can achieve, I had such a love for the kids. Now I am a parent & that is constant - there is no off switch. I am dealing with my own children, then I go to work...& these kids make my jaw drop. I thought last year was full on - but I made it through. This year it's been so hard to find the good days. I grieve for all the great kids in these classes who get stomped on my the troublemakers...This year has just been heartbreaking. I feel like there is nothing left to give. I feel dead inside.
I am still waiting to hear from OUA about doing some studies with them...D has enrolled in doing his Masters next year though, so if they don't accept me that will be OK I guess. I long to do a job where I don't have to drag myself there & home broken...
Next year The Drama Queen will be in one of the classes I have to take. Yes, I promised to take Stage 3 again next year. I always said that I would leave before I turned into a bitter, twisted, grumpy teacher...I have always tried to teach with excellence, I've always admitted mistakes but poured my life energy into the students. Now I need some of that life energy back to be a mother to my family & run this house. I feel like I can't do this...
So yes, holidays are nearly here. I look forward to them, but I still feel burnt out...
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Grief
The suddeness & the unknown must be hard for everyone to process...
Praying for everyone involved & feeling rather numb...
Friday, November 4, 2011
Career change?
Feel like I have come full circle & would like to head in a particular direction...need to do some more research & exploring first...
The young girl in the late 80s was headed in a different direction to the one I took in 1989...perhaps my heart feels the pull to revisit it...
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