Friday, September 4, 2009

Drama Queen

I've just finished Week 1 of a two week block of casual drama teaching...only taken on because the teacher was called up for HSC Marking at the last minute & the school really wanted a teacher who could take the children for that time - aiming for consistency for them. Eric is allowed to go to Prep full-time, just for these weeks. It's good to be able to support the school, but it's certainly taking it's toll on my body. As much as I'm loving it, I think I'd be hesitant to say yes again...for a while anyway? I'm grateful I don't have to work full-time. Anyway, the talent of some of the students is AMAZING. Year 12 did their HSC yesterday & I saw all the individual performances - they were just so incredible...they could have been professional actresses. Just truly amazing. Well prepared, enthusiastic & beautiful girls. What a joy to be in the audience!

It's reminded me to be prayerful for the staff there as it really is such a HUGE responsibility to teach children. There is so much going on every day, so much to take into account, so many children...TEACHING = the hardest job, but also perhaps one of the most wonderful ones (when a day goes well). 

But after having children & having various health problems over the years I don't think I have the same physical strength to do it with the same energy as I did in my 20s. As I head towards my 40s it's a more gentle focus? I don't know that I could get up dancing with Kindy & running the most energetic music lessons for hours every day, then come home & cook, clean up, wash, pack lunches, keep the uniforms & ironing up to date, pay bills, shop for food etc etc etc. The myth of "having it all" - the career, the family & the fairytale life really is a myth. Something has to give if I were to go back to that - & my body just wouldn't let me. My relationships with the kids would suffer too because I'd be so weary & grumpy ALL the time. 

Having said that, the kids have been so helpful this week. Eric had a Fathers Day morning at Prep today. Poor D came last in every 'father' half of a race, but then Eric would sprint on home & win in the 'Prep' section. That boy is Mr Competitive. Every Dad was there, it made me happy that D was there to share it with Eric. My eyes keep welling up with tears thinking how sick he was...Yesterday Miss Bonnie was asking about the local reactor & we spoke about how D had radiation to kill the cancer. After a while she said "Mummy, can we stop talking about this, it's making me feel teary & sad." She is the sweetest most sensitive girl sometimes. I am so glad that we can talk about what we've been through...

Thousands of things have happened this week. My head spins, & I am grateful that it is Friday. Hooray for the weekend. I'm off to bed...zzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Fathers Day Sunday...How I miss you Dad. You've been gone 14 years now. I hope you would be proud of me. I will never forget what a great Dad you were - a gentleman & a scholar. I wish I could have that one last hug, one last conversation. You were gone so unexpectedly, so quickly, so suddenly...I never got to say Goodbye. I wish you had met your 5th & 6th grandchildren. They would love you so much. They remind me so much of you at times. Your first grandson is so cheeky like you...I love that you kept all your cards from me. I have them still. I wish I'd kept more of yours. I am keeping things from my children now. Happy Fathers Day Dad. Bless you. I love you forever. XXxx

1 comment:

Tracy, mom2many said...

I definitely know that "my body won't let me" feeling. It's much different chasing a 1yo at almost 40 than it was with 40 4yos at 21.

I'm sad your dad isn't with you and seeing your lovely children grow up.