Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Post Bone Marrow Transplant Thoughts 8+ months on...

D has nearly reached Day +290. I remember when each day would pass slowly, we would watch blood counts like a hawk & get excited at every single day - praying praying praying & being as positive as humanly possible... I'm so grateful for these days - even though I know I take them for granted too. I'm human. I still get annoyed with him some days, yet here he is...ALIVE & in my arms. Some days the horror of last year seems like some horrific nightmare. (This nose tube still makes me feel nauseous to just see the picture of it. Poor Eric used to burst into tears when we tried a computer image link up between the hospital & home. This sums up the horror of those post transplant days for me - fed through a tube with beeps & buttons & tubes & hospital things everywhere on his body...) When a hospital visit comes along I wait for the results - with that 'holding my breath' feeling. When I hear him coughing - like he is at the moment as we're all fighting the flu - a teensy bit of fear creeps in & I wonder if his body will fight it off as well as I hope it will. I guess there are little things around me each day that remind me that we are all very fragile. To put our hope in our own body or our own strength is pretty futile...that sounds very negative. I only mean to say that we don't know what is around the corner. I really believe that there are eternal unchanging things that are much more secure than a weakened body. 

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