"I like to sing..."

Bonnie, Eric & I went to a FABBO concert this morning at Sutherland...Justine Clarke did an awesome job singing to the kids. I can't believe she is the same age as me because boy oh boy I felt old after watching her jump around the stage for a whole concert!! The kids sat with their jaws hanging open for a while, trying to take it all in. My loud noisy kids sort of retreat into themselves at concerts. 

Eric (or should I call him MR SNOT?) is about to have a bath tonight & I can hear him in his room singing "Pineapple, pineapple, I love you love Pineapple..." He's so unwell tonight. Perhaps he was quiet at the concert because he's coming down with something? He snuggled so close & at one stage grabbed my face with both hands & said "Don't sing or dance Mummy!" Ahem...

We're all pretty burnt out at the moment - emotionally, physically, spiritually & every other "ally". We've made it to a year post BMT but this flu season is really wearing us all down & D was hoping to head back into the school term rested, but instead is even more weary...D & I tossed & turned in bed for hours last night. I couldn't sleep & I know he is anxious about not being able to do his job - he really wants & needs to be there full-time, but although his MIND is so awesome, his body is so stuffed...everything just sucks at the moment & all those pat happy answers are so not helpful! 

I read this quote somewhere the other week: It's "being in the trenches for so long that causes battle fatigue, no matter how much you believe in what you're doing. It is healthy to share the down times. I have gotten more encouragement by being honest about the hard times & realising that I'm not alone." I'm not even sure where it comes from, but I remember writing it down so I wouldn't forget it. It is healthy to be honest with people but I have gotten so used to wearing my "I'm fine" mask that I think my heart has turned to stone about everything & I am not grabing opportunities to be honest. (So I hide here in the world of cyberspace - cybersafe - & vent here!) I'm so worn out I can't even cry...

How is THAT for a post. Started out happy & grew sad by the end. 

Anyway, I'm glad I dragged myself out to the concert for the kids sake. I know things like that are so good for THEM. So glad I was well enough to go...

Big sleepy sigh here in FREEZING Southern Sydney. How much longer can we keep up this journey...how much more? I know the answer is "as long as it takes" but in my body tonight I want to crawl into bed & not get up for about a MONTH!!!!! Cancer sure does suck...it sucks that we all are weary & it sucks because of the huge toll it's taken on us all. My health is just cactus & I'm the CARER!!!! Despite peoples' lovely emails in response to the latest David update I certainly do not feel strong, or inspiring, or wonderful etc etc. I feel like I've just about had enough...AHHHHHHHHH. 

Better go bath the kids. We might have cereal for tea cause I'm too stuffed to cook...zzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!