Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Post Reunion

 Well, I feel like I am still recovering after the reunion. I didn't get home until the wee hours of the morning - that in itself is very very rare for me unless someone here is sick - & I have to say it was wonderful to see all those faces 20 years down the track...yet it is surreal to summarise "life" in a few short minutes. A friend was worried about me & asked how I would go talking about David & his illness so many times, but I actually just chose not to go through it with some people...what was more distressing was discussing CHILDREN. An old friend works in a NICU for newborn babies & spoke about how to watch families lose their babies has been so hard for her over the years & how she struggles in this line of work...And it was one of those events where people mingle & wander in & out of others conversations...I started to try to mention some of what I had been through with children, & after a few attempts I decided that it was just too hard to start being too detailed about anything. I was brief! Someone from our year died of cancer, others had not married or had children & I am guessing that many have probably lost children - statistically. In spite of this - & the fact that I have lost my confidence in big social gatherings despite having spoken to many many people over the years & run big music events - I did have a wonderful time, but found some discussions very very hard. There is something amazing about seeing everyone so "grown up" & more sure of themselves - moving into our 40s. Wow!! It was hillarious seeing the old photos of everyone in their 80s gear. Glad I scanned lots of pics as my contribution. 

I feel a loss for the friendships that have disappeared over the years. I was so sad that two old friends in particular were either hard to find or didn't respond to any emails/correspondence...perhaps I'm a little hurt about the loss of that season of friendship? Sigh...yet friendship is a two way street I know. I have been just as hopeless with keeping in touch with people over the years.  Anyway, all those who were there enjoyed themselves I think!! 

David is very stressed at the moment. We ponder our future. It's hard when there are bills to pay etc. It's hard to make big decisions without hindsight. I spin between positivity to anxiety...perhaps I need to go & take up a job somewhere to ease the financial stress?? Perhaps more money isn't the solution but a seachange somewhere? I just feel like I have put down my roots here & all this change & heartache is so very hard...I can only do a day at a time though....

1 comment:

Karin said...

I find reunion settings so hard. I'm glad you made it through and got to catch up with some friends. Bravo, Lissy. (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) for sure. It's amazing how we change because of our life experiences, and yet also, we are the same.